Thankful In All Circumstances

Thursday, November 4, 2021 Thankful…in All Circumstances Crystal Smith

Bible verse: Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

In February 2021 my life experienced a “Rebirth”. That is what we call it when we speak of this time. What happened allowed freedom from chains I’d been wearing for 20 years to be broken free, to experience the full understanding of what forgiveness is and to step into a place of love in my marriage we didn’t even know existed. So, to say that I am thankful would be an understatement.

In Revelation 12:11 it says, “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” As believers we know we are redeemed by the blood of the Lamb (1 Peter 1:18-19). And as believers our testimony carries a mighty power to defeat the Devil. It is in Genesis 50:20 where Joseph waited 20 years to fulfill his purpose for the Lord in what the devil meant for harm, God used for good.

So, where am I going with this? I have a testimony and as hard as it is to share, it is me fulfilling my purpose in this season to boast the power of the blood of Jesus in my life. That what the enemy meant for harm in my life can be used for good. If what I share leads others closer to Christ or can allow them to experience forgiveness or forgive another, then the enemy loses.

It’s hard to share stuff that is yucky or makes you feel guilty or embarrassed. Especially when the person on this side of the story is a new creation in Christ. It’s like I’m telling a story about someone I “knew” but in fact, that person WAS me…but I’m not that person anymore. Going back into the past for me has some wonderful memories, but it also has things I wish had never happened because I sadly didn’t know my worth.

Fear of losing the one I loved so deeply, lies from Satan and maybe even God’s timing played a role in me ironically waiting nearly 20 years (just like Joseph), to finally purge my secrets to the one heart I would never want to break. I had been unfaithful BEFORE we were ever married. We had been in a committed relationship for 4 years before we became husband and wife. But, my need to feel like I was desired or wanted won out and I cheated on my soon to be husband. I kept it a secret until one night the opportunity arose and I knew I had to tell him. I had asked God for forgiveness and truly believed I was, but the verse about confessing your sins, one to another so that you may be healed played in my head…I had never told him. I was scared he would leave me. When we got married, I meant my vows and never stepped outside of our marriage! I not only wanted to honor my husband, but I wanted to honor God. I wanted to be a good wife and I truly loved my husband. I finally believed that I was enough. But the guilt and shame never left. I shoved it down and prayed asking God for forgiveness would be enough. I prayed I would be able to eventually get over the feeling. It was always lurking.

Now let me be clear, we have always had what we thought was a pretty good marriage. We loved each other, no doubt. But I learned after confession that he always suspected something had taken place. On countless occasions throughout our marriage he would cut me with hurtful words or remind me of mistakes from my past before I met him to make me feel shameful. I knew he loved me despite those hurtful words, and because of all the guilt and shame I felt, I let him. I thought I deserved to be treated ugly at times because of what I’d done. (even though he didn’t know the truth) During our Rebirth, he admitted things he had done that I did not ever know and we BOTH felt so much hurt and betrayal and pain….But GOD.

I went to a service in Florida a couple weeks ago and the pastor spoke about the verse in Genesis and it resonated deeply when he said, “BUT GOD”

What did God do?

Let me tell you. Now our story could have ended up with us having no trust any longer. We could have resented each other and decided it wasn’t worth it. But God showed up in the most incredible way. The very next Sunday our preacher decided to preach on marriage and divorce. He actually hadn’t planned to preach on that until that morning. Coincidence? I think not. But God…Another But God moment was during our confession night aka Rebirth, I told TC that one song that always brought me to tears unlike any other was My Hope is Built on Nothing Less. The verse that sings “When He shall come with trumpet sound Oh, may I then in Him be found Dressed in His righteousness alone Faultless to stand before the throne.” You see, I never thought I could be found faultless before the throne because I hadn’t confessed my sin to my husband. It was the one thing that truly separated us from being complete and me from receiving ultimate forgiveness. So here’s that But God moment I spoke of… As soon as we walked into church service that morning, they began singing this song. As soon as we found our seats that verse rang out. He looked at me and held me and I knew that I truly was forgiven and I could sing this song knowing I can fully come to Father and because of the blood of Jesus, my confession and the power of his grace, can stand faultless before the throne. I felt so free because I had finally given my burden and God showed up to begin to heal the both of us.

I wanted to be found faultless before my Father. I wanted to be free. I wanted to take every chain of guilt and shame and expose it. I knew the price could mean my marriage, but I knew he deserved the truth even though it would hurt him. And oh how I hurt him. I broke his heart. But what is so incredible and amazing after he had time to allow everything to sink in is when he said this, “I am so sorry you have had to carry this heavy burden all these years. I can’t imagine what that has been like for you. I know you love me, and I know you have been true to me in our marriage. I forgive you.” Say what? He said it was definitely God’s timing because if had he known this before, he may not have been able to handle it. God had been preparing BOTH of our hearts for this time. He apologized to me for the things he had done and the ways he had purposefully tried to hurt me with his words because he had always felt suspicious that I had been unfaithful before we were married so he felt like it was warranted. He apologized for the things he’d done that (while not cheating on me) were not something he would have ever done if I had been in the room. We bore our soul to one another so nothing could be hidden. We shined a light on all the ugly and told Satan he has no authority. Our marriage and the indescribable love we have for one another is only because of God. It’s supernatural what he has done. The way we treat one another, the way we talk to one another, the way we care for one another is so beautiful. We don’t like that to get to where we are now we had to go through all of that, but we also say that it was worth it to experience the kind of love God so graciously has given us. We want to give ALL THE GLORY to GOD because He is how we overcame. We speak so often of Romans 8:28 because it perfectly tells our story in that “we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I’m so thankful to God for preparing my husband’s heart. What we have walked through cannot be overcome without the blood of Jesus. True forgiveness and unconditional love has been our outcome and only God could orchestrate this love story.

Dear Lord, Thank you for being so patient with us. Thank you for loving us through the yucky stuff when I know you see us walking or running down the wrong paths. Thank you for giving us the freedom to choose our paths, and the grace to receive us so lovingly when we find our way back to you. Thank you for putting people in our lives that speak love and truth. Thank you for preparing hearts for pains such as I spoke of above and allowing your incredible power to heal deep wounds and grow even stronger. Most of all, thank you for Jesus. Thank you for his blood that washes us white as snow and allows us the open passage to come straight to you, our Father. I know you love me. I know you love every single woman in this group despite what we’ve done or whether we’ve always been “so straight and narrow” or “wild and untamed”. Thank you for giving all of us a testimony. I know I tell you sometimes, Lord, how I wish my testimony was of a good little girl who always made the best decisions, waited til her wedding day to “ya know”, and never said one bad word or thought one bad thought. And I think those testimonies are definitely powerful and speak to many, it just isn’t mine. I pray you can help me to use my testimony when you know it will speak to someone who needs to hear it. That you are a God who redeems and renews no matter what we’ve been through. And I pray you give every woman reading this prayer the confidence to use their own testimonies when given the opportunity so that YOU may be glorified!

In Jesus name, Amen