"Looking for Lovely"

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous. And His ears are open to their cry. Psalm 34:15

I pray you spent some time writing out ten special things about YOU. That’s the assignment I left you with on Friday, and we had 2 extra days to do it. I did not hand out a difficult task for you to do and then move on without doing it myself. I sat on Friday and wrote out my own list. It wasn’t easy. But, I still feel like it was important. This is our starting point. Looking for lovely has to begin with ourselves.

Today, read chapter three in our book. I have to admit, the title looks scary, “Cocaine.” I wasn’t sure what we were getting into when I read the title the very first time. Now, I have read it several times and listened a few times too. It’s a short chapter with a powerful point. Enjoy.

On page 37, Anne said, “I have the same propensity as any other addict; its’ just my drug of choice is food.”

My personal drug of choice isn’t cocaine or food. I have my own escape routes. Netflix or the Hallmark channel could be part of my list. However, I’m learning my number 1 drug of choice is perfectionism and control.

Before you roll your eyes too heavily (because I realize this may sound lame to anyone who has ever really struggle with drug or substance abuse), please hear me out. When my own “broken crazy” took over, it became very clear that I’d learned to live with a deep fear that I never had to deal with because all of my energy could be focused on controlling every situation and making it as perfect as possible on the outside. For the most part, I’m good at it so people allow it. Honestly, I’ve been praised and celebrated for it most of my life. Then, my children entered this weird phase of life called teenager, and I couldn’t control anymore. Perfection became an impossibility, and fears that have been dormant for most of my life flooded to the surface. None of my normal escaping techniques worked, and I needed help.

First of all, Psalm 34:15 is true. God hears the cries of His children, and He is faithful to help. I give Him all of the glory and praise. He has been my true and faithful companion. He has led me to a beautiful place, and I am grateful.

Also, like Annie, I needed therapy. Again. You can’t see it, but I am laughing. I’m laughing because I’ve been in therapy in some form or fashion for YEARS (so many years). This time, I had to really cooperate. I had to be real and honest and committed to the process of therapy. I had to allow myself to unravel in the presence of another person. Healing just doesn’t happen alone. God designed us to need people.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but today is the day to start looking for help. Maybe you don’t need a therapist. You just need to reach out to a friend or mentor and say, “I’m struggling.” But, if professional help is something you need/want, please don’t spend another moment questioning. Do what Annie did. Get a recommendation and then make the call. Leave the weird voicemail if necessary and start the awkward process.

I think any recovering addict would agree that the process out of addiction and into a recovery lifestyle is filled with tiny, awkward steps. Embrace the awkward! Learning a new way is uncomfortable. God is in it, though. So, it’s beautiful. Never in all of my life have I thought that awkward is lovely. Today I do, though. Looking for lovely might just mean chasing the awkward. Go for it!

Look for the lovely in the awkward. Annie had a beautiful window view that kept her from quitting. There is something beautiful in the middle of everything hard, difficult, and awkward that will keep us committed if we can learn to see it.

God, help us to name our “cocaine.” There are many different ways we avoid realities in our lives in order to numb fear, pain, or simply uncomfortable. In many cases it feels like the right thing to do so that we can be about the positive, the holy, and the beneficial. We’re missing our lives, though. When Jesus walked this Earth, He showed us that abundant living included feeling emotions and feelings. It included taking time to rest with You. If Jesus needed it, we do too. Today, please give us the courage to honestly look at our lives and ask You what we need to do. Give us wisdom to see where change needs to be made.