Forty Days of Proclamation: Intentional
Wednesday, November 25
Forty Days of Proclamation
Intentional
Angie Blackman Landers
He must become greater; I must become less.
John 3:30
I have a quote on my desk, I’m not sure who penned it , but it says.
“The value of consistent and persistent prayer is not that He will hear us - but that we finally hear Him”
Last year when I chose my Word of the year I decided on Intentional because more than anything I wanted to hear the the voice of God, I wanted to truly feel as though I was living my life fully intent on the pursuit of his will in my life. This is the short synopsis of why I chose it.
On March 20, 2018 I remember waking up early to shower and rush out for a morning of appointments and lunch with a friend. My usual routine was to call Mama first thing, she was my first and last conversation of each day. When she didn’t answer I didn’t think much of it and hurried into my doctors appointment. During my waiting I tried again.....no answer. Once again, I just assumed she must be on another call. After several more tries over the next hour I started to panic. Mama lived in a condo a few miles away. I had relocated her from SC a few years prior and we had been so thrilled to have her close by. She was by dearest, best friend, shopping buddy ,and confidante. I canceled the rest of my day and drove to her place. I was heartbroken to find her in her bed. She had passed away peacefully in her sleep.She had not been sick so it was a complete shock. I was devastated.A few months later after a long journey with dementia, my Father in law passed away and a short 30 days later my Mother in law joined him. We were all numb with grief.During this same period of time my family was at a crossroads of decision regarding our church home and we were very disconnected from our previous lifeline of Christian friends. I felt lost. I called out to God in despair. I felt like I couldn’t hear or feel His presence.
The following year - 2019 - I busied myself! I got lost in trips with my husband, social activities, and planning a wedding for our daughter. We had moved into a great neighborhood and there was always something fun to do and new people to meet almost daily. All the while I was spending less time in the word and quickly rattling off my list of gratitude and requests to God each night before bed. Needless to say, I had very little purpose in my days and my life was more wandering than intention.
In August of that same year I answered a mid morning call from my brother. Even though he lived in the area we rarely saw one another and spoke occasionally. I lived my “busy”life and he, a local Pastor, lived a full life too.
Hey Jimmy, what’s Up?
“Angie, Trey has passed away. He committed suicide last night”
Trey was my 29 year old nephew. I wish I had the time and words to tell you about Trey. He was one of the kindest, hilariously funny, accepting of everyone, handsome, and loving humans I’ve ever known. He gave the best hugs.
All the grief I had experienced the previous year paled in comparison to the heartbreak this news brought. I was inconsolable. I cried out to God.....Why?
I won’t go into all the details of the next months ......because this is not meant to be a novel. Let’s just say I reached a pretty low point in my life, I was honestly angry. Angry with myself for not reaching out to my nephew. Angry with my brother for not doing more. Angry with God for letting this happen. During that time I was being completely honest and transparent in my conversations with God, and my prayers were more questioning than thanking Him. Slowly, I realized that for the first time.....in a long time, I could actually hear His voice.
As the end of 2019 approached I began to hear Him call me to be Intentional in my life.
Intentional in my relationship with my brother, who so desperately needed me during this point in his life. I needed him too!
Intentional in my friendships. What my heart needed was not a long list of surface friends, but true meaningful relationships that could mutually offer grace and hope into one another’s lives. Friends I could be real with!
Intentional with my time. Less Facebook and Instagram!
Intentional with my family. Knowing each of their love languages and seeking to fill our interactions with meaningful moments. By the way ,I had my first grandchild.
Most importantly, Intentional in my relationship with God. Spending honest and sincere time in prayer and in His word, seeking to hear His voice.
2020 has been a year that has brought so many challenges in the world around me.In spite of the negative aspects of the year, God has certainly provided me with so many wonderful moments to be quiet, to shut out the the things that don’t matter , and to be Intentional.I am eternally grateful! As I approach this Thanksgiving week, I am grateful for a God that continues to pursue me, who knows my heart and loves me in spite of my shortcomings.
For further reading: Galatians 2:20; Colossians 3:17; Romans 12:2
Dearest Heavenly Father,
Thank you lord for your hand in our lives. We acknowledge every unfulfilled dream, every loss experienced, yet we count it all for joy. For we know that you are working for the greater good and nothing is wasted in your kingdom. Our hearts desire is that every piece of our lives is a testimony to Your Grace and presence. Let us pursue what you have laid on our hearts. Let us be faithful and Intentional.