“O Lord of Heaven’s armies, what joy for those who trust in you.”-Psalm 84:12
If you really knew me, you would know I’ve battled anxiety as a big part of my story. I’ve always been a worry-wart and an overthinker, but my junior year of college things took a turn for the worse.
Since the Winter of 2015, anxiety has been an unwelcome friend, popping in and taking over at exactly the wrong times. In these past four years, I’ve dealt off and on with seasons of crippling fear. Some days it’s been mild and hardly even noticeable, but other days it’s been the only voice I can hear.
As I’ve learned to cope with my anxiety disorder, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to trust God. My whole life I had never even questioned the concept of trusting in God. I’d never had to think, “Do I really trust Him?” I just assumed that I did! But battling anxious thoughts and worries that ran rampant in my mind showed me I had bigger trust issues than I thought.
As I started to deal with anxious thoughts and worries that were out of my control, I had to actively choose to trust God for the first time in my life.
I began to claim passages of Scripture and promises from God in my life in ways I never had before. I had to choose to be brave daily, sometimes even hourly… I have had to rely on the Lord, fully believing that He is in control, no matter if my wildest fears come to fruition or not. He’s been faithful through every season of anxiety and fit of fear I’ve ever faced.
Although I would never wish my struggle with anxiety on anyone else, and most days wish it would be taken from me, I know that my battle with anxiety has caused me to grow in trust in the Lord. Because anxiety is part of my story, I have had to trust God in a way that I may never have had to do God otherwise.
Because of the way God has shown up so faithfully in the midst of my fear, I have grown in my trust of Him.
Like Joseph says in Genesis 50:20, I feel as if my fight with fear has grown me in a beautiful way. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Now for my job, I write posts for an audience of 5 million people about trusting in God and His faithfulness! How crazy?! He is faithful every day and in every way.
I am grateful for my growth. Even though it’s not always easy, and fear still comes knocking at the door of my heart some days, I am growing in trust. And for that, I am grateful.
God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.
Psalm 121:7-8 (MSG)
“For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.”
Isaiah 55:12 ESV (My favorite verse!! It was read at my wedding.)
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.”
Isaiah 43:1 The Message
“Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” (Matthew 6:25-26 MSG)
Father God, thank you for your trustworthy character. You are so faithful. So good. So constant. You promise not to leave us or forsake us in the midst of our fear. When fear comes knocking on the door of our mind, You are a secure place to rest. Thank You for always going before us and guarding us. You are so so good to us. As we deal with seasons of fear and anxiety, remind us of Your faithfulness and presence. Thank You for letting us grow in our trust in You. We are grateful. Amen.