Thursday: (July 27th)
Read: 2 Chronicles 16:9,
For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. (NASB)
God is always on the alert, constantly on the lookout for people who are totally committed to Him. (Message Version)
Reflect: I’ve been in such a dilemma for a few hours now wondering what I’d write when I finally opened up this computer to finish out the week. Honestly, I have a difficult time writing our summer studies ONLY BECAUSE it seems the Lord likes to lead me to books and scripture that are necessary for my next level of growth. As you have seen, growth takes me into deep waters. I’m not a surface level communicator. So, this summer (as happened last summer) the depths He’s taken me to in writing has created some emotional outbursts (and few extra visits to my sweet counselor).
This week has been a biggie. The emotion has spilled out onto Scotty and the kids and NONE of them have really be responding in the way I’d like…. Mainly Scotty. I’ve been so proud of myself for opening up and sharing my feelings. I like to “stuff” but Scotty prefers I share. So, I’ve done that; and, STILL, I’ve not gotten the responses I’ve wanted. I built the wall between us and decided I’d wait for him to pursue me. I knew I’d be civil and care for my family. But, internally, I’ve been throwing a fit. I want to be pursued!
So, this morning, I woke up early and went for a long walk. I listened to one sermon fully. Then, I started on the messages I want to share with you tomorrow. Can I just say that Jesus and I have had a day! He has made it perfectly clear that Scotty could not pursue me in the way that I needed, because I needed to know that my Jesus can. He will. And, He always does.
In our chapter this week, Beth challenged us with the question, “what do you want?” Our desires say a lot about us. My desires in my marriage exposed that my wants need an alignment. Isn’t our God so kind. He didn’t scold me, or punish me, or ignore me (although that’s what I was doing to my sweet guy). Instead, He took me out for a little walk, guided me into His Word for me, and showed me that His desire is for me.
I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this before. But, His desire is for you too.
Respond: Whew! That was hard to share. Does anyone think you may need a different leader for the summer. I’m positive Chris Baxter has never built a wall in her marriage like I did this week. I know Missy Washam wouldn’t speak to her husband the way I have. And, sweet Dayna Moseley and Anne Ayers, well you get the point. Madelaine, just pray for me. There are plenty among us that may be more equipped to lead this study. But, I’m learning that’s just the point.
Living audaciously with and for Jesus might just mean making the commitment to stick it out…. In your job, in your marriage, in a friendship, and in relationship to God. Our scripture confirms that He’s looking for those who are fully committed to Him. It also says that He wants to strongly support the faithful. Don’t you want (not just need) a God like that?
Renew: Today, let's rest in the fact that Jesus desires a relationship with you. Just sit and think on that.
If you’ve known that to be true, spend some time in grateful prayer. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. If you know this to be truth, you and Jesus have been through some stuff together. You have your own stories of pursuit like I shared earlier. Thank Him for that today.
If you can’t imagine that God desires to be with you, that He is pursuing you even now, or that you could ever WANT Him. I want you to pray the prayer that Beth included on page 95. Please, pray it with genuineness and sincerity. Maybe you want to reach out to a friend to pray with you. This is important, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.
“Jesus, I want to want YOU. Would you help me? I already know I need You. But I want to want You, too."
Blessings, sweet sisters. I’ll see you tomorrow.